


mind over matter

by taedragon (orphan_account)



Series: yutae x multiverse [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, boys have a lot of feelings, hbd yuta, shingeki no kyojin!au, ty ackerman or what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 22:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12517732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/taedragon
Summary: [Attack on Titan!au]Commander’s orders let Doyoung begin experimenting on the newly discovered titan-shifter Mark while being under Taeyong’s surveillance. Throw in the mix Yuta, the leader of Doyoung’s squad and having his and Taeyong’s team merged was the last thing he wanted...next to getting eaten by a titan of course.





	mind over matter

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to yuta! ~~i’m a bit late due to connectivity problems~~ may taeyong shower him with kisses uwu  
>   
>  i dunno what chapters i’ve referenced but it’s probably everything before the basement chapter so snk spoiler alert if you haven’t read those. the same warnings apply as the alternate universe this is set in

“We’ll start with Doyoung’s experiments tomorrow, you get a basement which you will not be allowed out of until I say so, don’t try anything funny or I will do to you _exactly_ what I do to every shitty titan, I hope I am clear.”

Slivers of nausea climb up and down Mark’s spine, he’s not sure if he’s going to even be conscious long enough to give Squad leader Yuta a warning before he pukes if he continues to terrorize him with his already brandished aptitude for throat slitting.

Under the last 48 hours, Mark had discovered he could conjure a titan from himself, gotten tried for unlocking such an ability he did not previously realize that he had and thanks to some quick thinking on the part of Commander Johnny, he’s managed to escape being burned at stake. 

“You can stop browbeating the boy just because you didn’t want to end up on this team,” Captain Taeyong voices out, with that same dead-eyed stare that he’d held on Mark since the moment he kicked him onto a chair in what he believes used to be a dining room.

Everything the Captain says seem to be in approval of him but his gaze is replete with skepticism. With both the Squad leader and Captain jabbering miscellaneous things, things that Mark often can’t follow because of the growing pain in his head but subtext tells him that if he so much as raises a question, he’s done for.

“I’m measuring his scrutability. For the benefits of humanity,” Yuta hisses, “This guy can turn himself into a titan, I can’t believe I have to fucking point this out. That being said, we have reason enough to be cautious, so you can’t go trusting him just ‘cause he has an adorable squishy face.”

“He didn’t even flinch while you tried intimidating him for one hour, how could I not like this boy?” Taeyong leans back, smug and then turns to Mark, “Weren’t you the top of your division—”

“Fourth,” Mark interrupts without thinking, Captain Taeyong is frightening, he shouldn’t have done that.

“Fourth, huh. See? This kid’s already better than you,” Taeyong states, opening his eyes right on the second Squad leader would lose his cool.

One thing Mark has learned outside of titan-killing knowledge and Lee Donghyuck’s sleeping habits is that high ranking soldiers have fortitude strengthened from sights brought by years of kills and losses. It honestly scares him, having to become like that; and the Captain and Squad leader have probably seen the worst horrors of what lies beyond the wall, not to mention the strength of the Survey Corps reduces in geometric progression each time they leave.

“Lee Taeyong you shitty—” Yuta lounges at Taeyong with clawed hands only to fall face first on the table since even Mark doesn’t recall when Taeyong dodged until he hears a cackle by the exit.

“If you’re going to be as slow as that, you’ll get eaten, _Squad leader,”_ he spins around for the last word before shutting the door, “Take notes, Mark. Goodnight.”

With a twitch of an eyebrow that thankfully Yuta cannot see, Mark demolishes whatever notions he had about higher ups and their mental fortitude because-he hears Squad leader Yuta groan and Captain going ‘ah the sound of anguish!’ _\- are they children?_

“I wanna kill him,” is the first thing Yuta says once he pulls his face off the table.

“That wouldn’t be very nice...uh...for the benefits of humanity?” Mark mumbles, and Yuta scowls, “Shut up and go to the basement.”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t understand why you’re sticking to your theory that somehow _frightening_ him will make him turn into a titan,” Doyoung chides and then snorts when Yuta sticks his chin up, unwavering from his stand.

“Fear can be a stimulant. He turned into one when he was already eaten and had no escape,” Yuta scans Doyoung’s notes and interviews spread on the table. He reads the paper to his left carefully, having a feeling it would support his previous statement but then Taeyong slams his tea-cup on it.

“It’s rage,” Taeyong pulls his chair beside Yuta who questions flatly with eyes narrowed, “He’s almost _always_ angry when it comes to titans. How are you gonna explain that?”

“May I change the wording, it’s probably purpose,” Taeyong corrects.

“Doyoung did you hear that, I’m smarter,” Yuta gawks.

“He said nothing of the sort Yuta,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, moving over to gather his precious paperwork before Taeyong dropped more tea on that, “Where’s Mark?”

“Put him to bed two minutes ago, he’s probably awake and thinking about titans,” Yuta mumbles, leaning forward with his head on his palm.

Taeyong’s eyes flicker over something that Yuta had failed to notice in the almost lightless room, now that the candle wax was chipping away. “What’s that?” he inquires, tapping at the envelop places at the corner of the table, the seal the same shade as the wood, almost invisible.

“Nothing misses your eye eh, Captain?” Doyoung sighs before answering, “It’s the commander’s orders.”

“Open it,” Taeyong insists.

“They’re going to reclaim Wall Maria,” Yuta speaks out before Doyoung can hand the message over to Taeyong, the flame quivers.

“Are we taking Mark?” is the only thing Taeyong asks, unfolding the paper but tilting it just enough for Yuta to get annoyed since he can’t see it without leaning uncomfortably.

“That is entirely up to you Captain, I’ve already told Ten, Kun and the rest,” Doyoung replies, foreboding from the aura of arguments coming from the both of them and deciding it was time to retire for the night, or check if any of the squad was still up for another round of one sided titan chat.

“Gimme that,” Yuta snatches the paper while Taeyong huffs.

“You already knew what was in it.”

“Not exactly,” is the only thing he hears in response before the room turns into an echo house for cicadas from the encasing forest. Yuta being silent is a rarity in itself, making Taeyong’s head turn after two minutes.

Yuta is already staring at him, the shadow of his lashes falling darkly over skin tinted bronze by the candle flare once he's finished reading. The eye contact feels like it strikes fear in his heart.

“Are you going to take Mark?” Yuta blurts and Taeyong hates how they have to agitate to get the first and last word.

“You and I both know we have to,” he swallows the last of his tea and by now Yuta isn’t looking at him.

“Every single time we go outside...it’s the same story,” he mumbles, his voice low all of a sudden. He sounds rather heartbroken and that’s a misnomer of the emotion; Nakamoto Yuta is all brawn, brash and reckless in Taeyong’s expert knowledge—such a tender voice of despair doesn’t seem like him.

It almost makes Taeyong want to comfort him.

“We have a titan on our side, it’s not the same,” he replies, but nothing in Yuta’s features changes so he gets up, pretending to be disconcerted at his hesitation when in actuality he could no longer bear to see him this way, “We got one wall back, we can get another. Go sleep, the carriages will come early.”

The door shuts and the Yuta cradles his head in his arms placed on the table, blowing the candle out. His eyes close only once he’s made sure Taeyong had begun walking away from the dining room after being done with standing there for ten minutes.

Taeyong stomps to the basement, somehow the moon is generous enough to light up this part of the house but it gets harder to see as he descends further.

_It’s the same story...people will die..._

_Tell me something I don’t know._

His skips a stair as he goes, not stumbling in the slightest, hurrying with footsteps loud enough to wake the rest of the squad. His teeth are gritted, the veins sticking out. _This is reality, this is what we’ve gone through so many times...this is what we live for so..._

The look that Yuta had had on his pale face flashes before Taeyong’s eyes.

_...why did you look like you were going to cry?_

He knocks once and is about to knock again when he hears a stuttered, “Y-Yes!” come through from Mark.

“I’m coming in,” Taeyong grunts, walking into Mark’s dark room and commenting dryly, “You’re lucky I can’t see the mess if you’ve made one of this room.”

“Is there something you want Captain?” Mark asks, earnestly. The rustle of sheets tells Taeyong that he’d gotten up from lying down.

“Be up early tomorrow, we’ll need you for sealing the hole in Wall Maria,” is what he tells him flatly, had Doyoung been there with them, he’d have gotten unwanted advice about how he should phrase his words correctly because Mark is sixteen and Taeyong and Yuta should go easy on him or at least talk and be considerate.

“I see,” Mark’s voice cracks at the end.

“The moment you decide to turn into a titan depends on you or the Commander’s instructions. As a reminder I’m under orders to keep you alive until Johnny decides what he wants to do with you. Rest assured, nothing will happen so long as you stick to me.”

“You could spend that time protecting people that matter Captain,” Mark says, “I don’t want anyone to die because of me.”

“People will die regardless of you being there or not,” Taeyong replies promptly, “I hope you didn’t join the Survey Corps thinking that every soldier successfully makes it back in one piece.”

Mark recalls scenes from his childhood, Commander Johnny and Captain Taeyong close behind, walking through the streets, dwindling number of men in green capes, the grieved screams of families that lost their sons and daughters.

“Why do you see any reason in protecting me?” comes out of his mouth without him realising it.

He’s startled when Taeyong flicks his forehead almost immediately.

 “You were the crazy titan that helped us close the hole in Wall Rose, right? Start acting like that.”

“I don’t know what _reason_ I have Captain,” he cries out, “I’ve lost everyone I love...I don’t know if I can—”

“Now if that’s the case, I don’t understand you. Don’t make me slice you because you’re refusing orders.”

“How can you not understand...don’t you have...” _family? Someone to protect?_  —these, Mark doesn’t vocalize but Taeyong hums, comprehending the faltering end of it.

There comes one face in his mind, one thump of his heart goes louder than the rest but he manages to say, “None whatsoever. I owe your dear commander a debt, otherwise I wouldn’t be a soldier.”

“I see...it makes sense for you to be in the Survey Corps I guess. You’re not afraid of anything...you’re not afraid of death.”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow, not sure what the kid was getting at.

Mark smiles, all teeth and lips thinning, “You’re really cool, Captain.”

“Empty compliments are not going to stop me from checking this room tomorrow. If you’re up before sunrise, consider doing some cleaning.”

“Yes sir!”

Bright moonlight cascading on the staircase awaits him the moment he steps outside. He feels like he’d finished a debacle, cheering someone up without intending to is very un-Taeyong of him. Chilly as the night was, Taeyong still decides to check the bolts on the doors so that no crazy wild animal could sweep in and eat their food supply.

There’s light coming from the dining room.

“He was taking a catnap huh,” Taeyong remarks to himself and decides to walk past the dining room without a sound; knowing Yuta, he’d most likely sleep walk to his chambers eventually.

As his footsteps draw nearer, Mark’s previous words ring louder.

  _‘...don’t you have...’_

Taeyong walks faster.

_Someone to protect? Someone I love?_

He decides to leave the dining room unchecked.

_There’s no one like that..._

Taeyong has no recollection of the exact moment his feet stop at the door or when he begins to watch Yuta sitting at the table with the same intensity with which Yuta was engrossed in Doyoung’s paperwork. Yuta looks the same, has the same face that Taeyong deliberately wants to punch, yet—

_I don’t have anyone I love..._

 “I know you told me to sleep but I don’t take orders from you,” Yuta mutters, breaking the silence and waving a hand to shoo him off.

_I don’t..._

Taeyong takes shaking steps to him, Yuta doesn’t even raise his eyes from the documents for two minutes after which his face crumples up in disgust, “I can’t focus with you here. You’re annoying.” Yuta gets up to gather up the files, beginning to organise them in the way that Doyoung will never find out that anyone had messed with them.

Taeyong had been counting seconds since he had walked in, with Yuta’s back turned towards him everything inside him screams _now or never_ and Taeyong is a _later_ kind of guy but tonight, he doesn’t want to think about never. He doesn’t want to think about the Survey Corps or missions or an insane phenomenon of a human turning into a titan sleeping right in the basement. He doesn’t want to think about not ever getting to come back home, he doesn’t want to ponder over what to call ‘home’ either.

“Taeyong?” Yuta calls out, the strange softness in it that has his head tipping up, startled. “Why are you holding my arm?” Yuta asks him, his voice gives no indication of repulsion.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles as he retracts it. The room is cold, candlelit and breezy, but it’s not temperature that makes him want to reach out. The adrenaline he feels is the same as he would if he were on a mission. What’s different from a mission is that he doesn’t know what goal he has, or how to get it, or any methods to achieve it.

He looks into Yuta’s sparkling eyes through his own big black ones.

 _I do understand Mark...I think,_ he thinks as Yuta scrunches his nose, making some comment about how Taeyong needs to stop getting into his personal space and how annoying it was getting.

“Your face is nauseating,” there’s something intimate about the way Yuta says that and Taeyong, overwhelmed, feels like words aren’t enough right now.

Taeyong steps in close, aiming to place a soft kiss on Yuta’s lips but the moment they touch, he loses his mind.

With fingers wanting to dig deeper into his silky brown locks, restraint is a long forgotten word as he pulls Yuta into one teeth clattering kiss and more. The force of it has Yuta holding onto him, reciprocating the movements of his lips and neither of them want to stop, the night is endless for them, their silhouettes on the wall fusing into one another.

Held in a lose hug now that Yuta has pulled apart, breathing heavily against his shoulder, while his hold on Taeyong’s torso gets warmer and warmer, he exhales, sounding mad, “Why...why now?”

“I-I don’t—”

“Don’t say you don’t know because I know you do,” Yuta cuts in sharply.

“I meant to say I don’t understand,” Taeyong tells him earnestly, hoping Yuta would stop shivering in his arms and at least look at him.

“This was-this is the wrong time for that,” Yuta mumbles, lips touching the leather of Taeyong’s jacket, where his head nestles on his shoulder, “We have a mission tomorrow—”

“Then what is the _right_ time?”

Taeyong’s question makes Yuta look up, his thumb strokes under Yuta’s cheek which isn’t planted on his shoulder; he waits for a reply like he’s predisposed to wait as long as Yuta would ask him to.

The right time...even Yuta doesn’t know when would be the right time.

“When the walls are back up...when the titans are gone...when there’s peace...when there’s no enemies to fight...I don’t know—just not _now,”_ Yuta cries out, hands clawing at Taeyong’s back, eyes tightening shut.

“I thought that way once too,” Taeyong whispers, brushing knuckles against Yuta’s jaw, making him turn so that he can lean down to murmur mouth to mouth, “I’m not going to wait for the right time.”

It’s Yuta who kisses him, it’s Yuta who cradles Taeyong’s face and doesn’t let go of his tattered jacket until they’re panting for air with the cold freezing their nostrils, looking like they want to kiss again.

“Get over me,” Yuta looks him in the eye and requests, “It took me all the years of training to get over you because I wanted to do my job right so please, get over me.”

He pushes past Taeyong who stands there until the sound of his retreating footsteps fades away.

The candle flame dies out.

 

* * *

 

Speed is what Taeyong is revered for.

He cuts one nape after another, his sword is filthy with titan blood, the winter sun fortunately gentle on the eyes but they still have to keep their hoods on to see properly. It’s a bother how it keeps flying off.

Mark and the others from the 127th were trying their best to incapacitate the red haired intelligent titan and despite trying to keep the battle from reaching the wall, the outside troops were getting sandwiched between meat eating morons.

Taeyong slides down beside Johnny, catching a few breaths before he realises Yuta’s there as well.

“That one’s an abnormal...there are two abnormals,” Yuta pants to the commander.

“Let me do this,” Taeyong appeals and all the colour drains off Yuta’s face when Johnny says, “Go fuck ‘em up.”

“You can’t kill him one on one! Taeyong what are you thinking?” Yuta screams as Taeyong is given a horse from a colleague.

Taeyong’s well aware of what is possible and impossible. He’s never taken out an intelligent titan but he hasn’t so much as got a scratch while dealing with mindless ones so he figures this will emanate to a few broken bones and an eaten off limb. Sounds alright to him.

“Taeyong don’t. Please,” Yuta begs for him not to go but he shoots off without a word. An explosion inside the wall follows.

 _Another titan?_ Yuta wonders, he jumps out of his skin when Johnny puts and arm on his shoulder, “Go. Believe in him.”

Yuta gives the commander a nod and positioning himself, uses his 3-D manoeuvre gear to shoot up the wall. Rather than having proper direction, straggles to the nearest titan he can find. He’s supposed to have nothing but killing a brainless giant on his mind.

_He’s going to make it. Taeyong’s going to make it—_

Yuta is worsted with worry and regret that fails to see a huge hand reaching out for him from behind. He’s finds no exit as the shadow of the titan looms over him.

His leg is jammed before he can calculate it’s a 50m class, since it’s already crushing his weight in his hand and bringing him closer to mouth wide open to devour him.

 _Fuck_.

Inside the titan forest, Taeyong is jamming his sword into the huge monkey’s nape to dig out the human inside it when he hears a familiar voice scream.

He sweats. _Yuta?_

The beast titan roars and pushes him onto one of the high branches far away. Some shirtless hobo appears from the nape of it and jumps on a four legged titan that he had instantly called.

_You’re not getting away you fucker._

Taeyong gives them a chase with his gear but he’s running out of gas and they might run too far away for him to come back. Also he has a feeling in his gut that he should go inside the wall, to check on Yuta at least.

He stumbles from the high tree branch, luckily Doyoung catches him.

“Gotcha,” he says, relieved, “Knew you’d be here somewhere.” He scoops him up and flies back to where the rest of team was. He slumps, exhausted and thanking the sun for setting soon enough.

“Did we win?” is all he asks on the way. He interprets his silence as a negative once they drive back inside Wall Rose. There are only two carriages coming back to the city in contrast to the dozens that had left that morning. That’s why Taeyong doesn’t ask about how many soldiers they’ve lost, he doesn’t need to know because the only thing worse than knowing you’ve lost the one person you loved is hearing the fact of it.

“Briefing’s tomorrow,” Doyoung tells him once they reach their retreat where Mark already was, “Try talking to him, he’s gotten a terrible shock.”

Doyoung proceeds to rush in and run upstairs, lock himself in the room like Taeyong knew he always did after a horrible day. He can only stare solemnly as he runs out of his sight, closing the door after them.

 

* * *

 

There was no right time; and if there ever was, it would be a miracle if both were alive to cherish it.

The dining room is empty, no squad members remaining besides, Taeyong, Doyoung and Mark. Mark pours him tea as they sit down.

Now, there will never be a right time.

“Captain...you’re crying...”

“I know I am. You don’t have to tell me,” untying his cravat to dry them off.

Taeyong wants to express how much he had regretted the conversation he’d had with Mark but he knows it wasn’t the boys fault or steering his head in a direction he had avoided. He’s furious at himself, rather, for not knowing how to say the words when he had Yuta right there, with him.

The door creaks open, “I brought potatoes~Mark! Aren’t you supposed to be resting!” and when the door is opened wider they lock eyes.

Yuta drops the basket of vegetables, in disbelief, “You’re alive.”

Tears fall again from Taeyong’s eyes and he has to turn away to hide it. Mark helps pick them up while Yuta is still pointing a finger at Taeyong with his mouth open, “You’re alive!”

“I should be the one saying that, you idiot!” Taeyong yells back and Mark takes it as his cue to leave before things get ugly.

“Wha-why...you,” Yuta’s finding it hard to phrase anything.

“Um...” Taeyong scratches the back of his neck and gets up from his chair, “I’ve had tea already and I don’t mind cooking for you-hey! Don’t walk away while I’m talking! That’s fucking rude!”

“I’m sorry, can we talk tomorrow instead...” Yuta answers quietly, refusing to face Taeyong. His back is drooping, from sadness or exhaustion Taeyong doesn’t know which and he can see he’s got a few cuts here and there sealed so he can’t really make an excuse for him to stay longer.

“No,” Taeyong is stern, stepping in close, “We’re gonna talk. Right now.”

Yuta turns back and snaps Taeyong’s hand off his shoulder, eyes watery, “You almost fucking died!”

“You’re the one who almost fucking died too asshole!”

“Well at least I wasn’t being reckless! And stop yelling!”

They really shouldn’t be speaking. The day was harsh, they’ve lost so many people, the grief and trauma of failure weighing down on their shoulders and minds and they’re exasperated, not knowing what to do, what to feel—maybe they’ll try to reach out for each other because it’s harsh and they need a distraction.

“I’m sorry, I...should’ve...” _given you a word of reassurance at least,_ is what Taeyong is unable to say but Yuta clicks his tongue, eyebrows drooping when he looks back with a tearful gaze.

“I’m sorry. For stopping you,” Yuta tells him honestly, “Sometimes I forget that you’re the only soldier who’s that skilled enough to get the job done or the only idiot who doesn’t think once about himself. I was being selfish, I’m sorry.”

Taeyong throat tightens as he waits since Yuta looks like he’s got something more to say though half of his mind tells him he’s just going to walk away after that.

“Selfish, you say...I don’t see how?” he asks him. _Talk a little more. Let me hear your voice, since I already know how it feels when I don’t have the chance to hear it anymore._

“Because I’m afraid of losing you! Because I don’t want all of this to end with me leaving flowers on your grave when what I really want is to go home with you!” Yuta isn’t yelling anymore, but the impact of his words has Taeyong lounging for him, grasping for him instinctively.

“Me too,” Taeyong tears up, hiding his face in Yuta’s shoulder. Yuta returns the hug, he would’ve swayed Taeyong in his arms if he hadn’t had the lack of energy then.

“Don’t wipe your snot on my shirt. Some kind lady gave it to me while I was asking for you.”

Hearing that only makes Taeyong rub his face aggressively over the fabric. Yuta squeals, hands not exactly trying to pry him off but just settling gently on his back at Taeyong looks up at him with waterworks running down his face.

“I should be the one crying...” Yuta says as he kisses each of his eyes.

“Then cry,” Taeyong blurts, to which Yuta begins to giggle, stopping only when his heart jumps as Taeyong’s hands begin wandering over his back.

“I finished my tear tank all the way here thanks to you. Jeez, I thought you were dead—”

Taeyong moves his face to the left from Yuta’s shoulder, crushing his nose and lips over his neck, “I don’t wanna talk about that.”

Heat settles in Yuta’s gut, Taeyong’s grip on him is tight, their faces close.

“Taeyong I—”

“Don’t tell me what’s the right time and what’s not, Yuta. You’re here with me and I’m here with you, I don’t see how any this isn’t right,” Taeyong rambles and Yuta blinks at his darkened cheeks, unbelieving the colour since he’d never thought Taeyong was capable of blushing.

“I was going to ask you wanted to have dinner or just go to sleep,” he deadpans expecting to embarrass Taeyong further but instead Taeyong lets go of him and walks over to the fire.

“I’ll eat first, let me make you something...”

“No I’m fine I’ll just sleep, I’m tired.”

“I’ll bring you dinner, my room is on the second floor,” Taeyong promptly replies, rolling up his sleeves and picking the twigs up to start a fire.

“What,” Yuta’s breath shakes.

“I said my room is on the second floor, because I’m pretty sure you didn’t know that. Don’t fall sleep asleep until you’ve eaten.”

“Y’know you’re still cold even when you’re trying to be sweet,” he skips to poke at Taeyong’s rib, grabs his face to kiss his annoyed pout away, “I’ll just go chat with Mark while you cook.”

Then he skedaddled off to wherever the fuck he said he would go for it’s not like Taeyong heard anything after Yuta had kissed him square on the mouth like that.

 

* * *

 

“Guess what, Mark?”

“He kissed you!?”

“No he didn’t, but I did!”

“You’re really amazing Squad leader!”

**Author's Note:**

> apologies to @Nayong127, i do ship yutae very much; in the midst of my deteriorating mental health, i can’t believe i had forgotten how beautiful it is T^T  
> thank you for reading <3


End file.
